I’ve seen plenty of things in my life that had a disturbing impact. None stand out as much as one moment provided by the brilliant minds at World Championship Wrestling that shook my foundation forever.
The year was 1995, I was 11-years-old and had recently started middle school. I grew up a wrestling fan and was one of the millions of Hulkamanaics.
When I was a wee lad I would run around the house in my Hulkamania T-shirt and tighty whities because I thought wrestlers wore underwear to the ring, not tights.
I was fired up for WCW’s annual October Pay Per View Halloween Havoc, which featured my man, the Hulkster, taking on The Giant. But wait, they had business to tend to BEFORE the match!
Yes! The Hulkster and the future Big Show, for some unknown reason, had to duel in a Sumo Monster Truck competition!
Um, what?
Hogan won, which didn’t sit well with The Giant, so the two men began brawling atop Cobo Hall in Detroit, and Hogan throws the Giant OFF THE ROOF. Oh the horror! The event proceeded as scheduled and as the main event approached, we wondered what would happen with the title match between Hogan and The Giant.
There’s no way the big fella could have survived the fall, right?
WRONG! The Giant showed up for the match and it was on! Talk about one of your all-time clusters. The match ended with Jimmy Hart turning on Hogan by getting him disqualified, enacting a previously undisclosed clause that would allow the world title to change hands by disqualification.
Sure that doesn’t make any sense, but this is WCW! Nothing made sense!
To further the confusion, Randy Savage came down to help Hulk, but Lex Luger also came to the ring and attacked Savage! Luger had joined forces with Jimmy Hart! Who had joined forces with the Giant! WTF!
Just when things couldn’t make any less sense, it happened. The moment that would shake my foundation forever and leave me searching for answers to this day.
Just when things couldn’t get worse for Hogan and Savage, the world was introduced to the newest villain to terrorize the world of pro wrestling.
The Yeti.
Or, the YEHHHH-TAAAAAAY as he was called by WCW announcer Tony Schiavone. The Yeti stepped over the top rope and all Schiavone could do was marvel.
“The Yehh-taaay is taller than the Giant! LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THE YEHHH-TAAAAAY!” Schiavone shrieked.
It’s no wonder Schiavone was in awe of his size. What makes no sense is why Schiavone failed to point out that the Yeti, which in folklore is a hairy ice monster, was dressed like an Egyptian mummy. Again, the brilliant minds of WCW at work here.
The Yehhh-taaaay and The Giant proceed to unleash the most devastating double team attack ever seen in a match. More brutal than the doomsday device. More painful than when Kanyon and Raven broke one of the Villanos’ neck.
They dry humped the Hulkster. They gyrate their hips in rhythm as the life drains from Hogan.
Seriously.
No, really. I’ve honestly never been disturbed by something so much in my life. Apparently dry humping is an effective method of inflicting pain on someone, though none of my high school girlfriends ever seemed to mind.
So let’s recap the evening: Hogan throws the Giant off Cobo Hall seemingly to his death, only for him to re-emerge for the match without as much as a limp. The Giant wins the title because Jimmy Hart turns on Hogan and cites a stipulation that hadn’t been revealed to the audience before hand.
Lex Luger also turns on Hulk Hogan for some unknown reason. Then a seven foot man called the Yehhh-taaaay, who is actually dressed like a mummy, dry humps the life out of my childhood hero.
Yep, that’s WCW. Fortunately, the honchos at WCW saw this…match…and decided they would forever stick to great mat wrestling and compelling, believable story lines. And the rest, as they say, is history.
Oh wait.